Lockdown Has Hurt My Faith

 

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 

Ephesians 4:25

Last month I celebrated 15 years in the faith, but it's been anything but champagne glasses, cheers, smiles and party celebrations. I'm at the weakest I've ever been typing this, I even missed church today and the past 3 weeks. I'm writing this piece so that we as Christians stop hiding behind a facade and admit we have struggles, we cry, we get sad and we get depressed. Let's get professional help, let's use our faith let's use the story of Job as inspiration. We are Christians not robots, IT'S OK TO NOT BE OK SOMETIMES, but let's fight and let God do His power and heal us. For too long we've hid behind the terrors behind mental health and depression, while the government, society and even the church have not done much.  It's time we stand in arms and kick it in it's butt and stand in victory like Jordan Henderson did months ago on the podium after Liverpool beat 30 years depression of a Premier League drought, like my black people did as we fight for BLACK JUSTICE or when Jesus did when He breathed His last and won the victory. We are His children we will always be victorious no matter what. 

I've suffered with depression and mental health since I was 9 it began when my parents split up, it wasn't their fault, they fell out of love and went their separate ways as the older I get I understand that love expires like fresh food, you drift apart and I get that, when your young you're angry, sad in despair when your parents, heroes your idols break up, you put blame on one party and grow resentment for another, but our generation lack understanding sometimes. I love them both dearly, equally and I'll never be upset at them for that, they brought me to this earth and gave me the best life ever, they brought me to God and made me the man I am today, but it didn't stop from this sorrow not saying that  I've been going through for years, but ironically I honestly feel it was part of my fate my parents not being together as it's how I got to know God, the Lord really does move in strange way as they say. My mum was so sad that she needed an outlet so we started going church, we went to a few Nigerian churches then we found the church that I'm in today that has change my life forever. As bad as my mental health is this place has done many wonders for my life and will do many more wonders for me, I know God has a plan for me. I'm not blaming their split as the start of my depression, many things are the cause of it like me being bullied at school & church, being romantically hurt by many women and having my image ruined by people who hate me. I know He'll (Jehovah) will make me be in a happy place as I believe I'm taking my first steps like a baby learning to walk. I'll get back to my walk with God, I'll get professional help via the NHS, and I'll be spokesperson and an advocate for mental health and depression and let God use me in this field where I can help many people who suffer from these things. As I type this while I listen to Nas's, Ultra Black on repeat from his new album, King's Disease I get inspired, I know my purpose, I know what I need to do to be a success, to look after and provide for my family and to be the best and strong Christian I can be. Lockdown can't defeat us, our problems can't finish us and the devil can kill us, we kill him like Jesus did on Calvary. 

I write this to you guy's because for many years I hid behind my faith, like many Christians do, I was the "strong friend, family member or work colleague" we as Christians are quick to demonize mental health and  depression. Whether these illness have demonic roots is debatable, can the devil prey on these things? Yes he sure can, let's speak to people about our struggles, let's get help, let's be transparent, this is the problem we love to pretend everything is ok and we feel we can deal with things ourselves we cannot do everything by ourselves as we need God as our ally as Philippians 4:13 says. 

Please feel free to contact me if you need any help, advice and a prayer if any of you go through these things I was silent and closed for years till it got me have a nice day and lovely week, you're never alone, God has not forsaken as I thought, and you're highly blessed my details are down below. As it was hard writing this blog if I can be transparent with my walk, so can you be, I was not entirely the victim I did wrong and through my mistakes and how I've channeled my depression lately I've hurt people close to me this is why I need to get professional help & heal, because if I don't I'll self destruct like I have been 22 years. I wouldn't want that happen to any of you. 

Until next time guys, thanks for reading my blog if you have any queries about my blogs or want to know more about Christianity

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